{#ShareAdvent - Remembrance}

This time of year always makes me think of my mum.

I miss her every single day.

I bet there are bound to be a lot of us in a similar situation, missing family members or loved ones and it can be even harder at Christmas-time. So it seems fitting that one of the #ShareAdvent posts has been dedicated to this theme, Remembrance.

My eldest son is starting to understand a bit more about life and death as he gets older, and yet I still struggle to find the right words to explain what happened to my own mum.

I've had questions asking where my mummy lives, and when will she be back. It threw me at first, but I've now explained that my mummy was ill and she's not coming back. 

I spoke to my son's nursery teachers about the situation, and they recommended a lovely book.

Word of warning, don't read it if you're feeling emotional. I was blubbing, big style!

{image source}

"A little fox is in a big bad mood and is worried that its mother won't love it forever. In this beautiful and lyrical picture book, we see a clever and resourceful mother prove to her child that a parents love is limitless - no matter what."

{My Hilarious Mum}

Last week I was doing a lot of thinking. 

Friday, the longest day, was tough. 

It was the anniversary of my mum's death. 

12 years.

I miss her every day.

My mother with me as a baby

She would have been 31 years old in this photo - same age as me now

I was doing my best to think of all the hilarious things that my mum did, instead of thinking of all the sorrow, and a few things immediately popped into my mind.

We were very lucky to have a video camera from early in our childhood and we were encouraged to use it. The footage we have is majorly embarrassing, but I'm so pleased that we have all the memories of our mum captured on film.

We were on holiday one summer (I think it may have been at Oasis Holiday Village, which I think is now a Center Parc) and our lodge had a massive spa bath. My mum decided to have some time to herself and ran a hot bath. Next thing, we hear her laughing/screaming from the bathroom. The bubbles had completely overflowed and literally all you could see was her head. The soap had covered the floor and was seeping out into the hallway. Complete mess, but very amusing. And it's all on tape!

My mother was also really relaxed when it came to partying, alcohol, boyfriends etc. I think she would rather have known where I was at all times rather than me sneaking out bedrooms windows or lying which is what some of my friends had done.

Anyway, she went into the local off-licence one evening to get me something to take to a party. She asked the guy what would be an appropriate drink for her underage daughter and he refused to serve her! She came home empty handed!! Highly amusing.

A lot of people don't want to turn into their parents, but I'd be quite happy if I was like mine.

With my friends before our school disco in 6th year - alcopops in hand! :-/

{Happy Mother's Day}

This is a horrendous photograph... but here I am having morning snuggles with my babies. My son comes into my room most mornings at 6 - 6.30am, puts the bedside light on and comes round to see me... 'snuggles in mummy's bed?' he asks as he attempts to climb in. I can't resist, and so at the moment the routine is milk and Alphablocks in bed before making our way downstairs for breakfast. 

You'll notice that he still has a dummy, which he has for bedtime only, and he still has his milk in a bottle. But I'm not so concerned about these things... he's just 2 and a half. If he's not grown out of them by 3 years old then I'll make efforts to remove the dummy and make the move to a cup.

Anyway, Happy Mother's Day to you all.

It's also a sad day for me as I remember my own mum. It's been 10 years now, nearly 11 years now that I think about it, since she passed away and I still miss her everyday.

{Poetry}

One of Kate's #groovingmums challenges was to investigate poetry and share a favourite, whether poetry is something you indulge in often, sometimes or never.

I did study Higher English at secondary school and we would have studied poetry at one point, but I'm not really a fan of poetry and it wouldn't really be something I'd choose to read. However, I did get thinking about poetry, and this is the first thing I thought of...

Shortly after my mum died, I saw a counsellor at a local Cruse Bereavement Centre. She (I think her name was Mary, but I may be wrong) was such a lovely lady and after a number of sessions I started to cope a bit better and was able to look ahead to the future. One week she gave me a piece of paper with a poem on it, and I still have this to this day pinned to a frame that sits in my room with a few passport photos of my mum and a picture I drew of her when I was 4 years old. I don't know who it is by, but I'll share it with you now...

"Those we love remain with us,

For love itself lives on

And cherished memories never fade

Because a loved one's gone.

Those we love can never be

More than a thought apart,

For as long as there is memory

They'll live on in the heart" 

{Jogging}

Maria, my personal trainer, has got me to start jogging as part of my exercise regimen. So far I've been doing 2 or 3 mile jogs round the local area, and it's been ok. I wouldn't say I enjoy it (maybe I'm starting to), but once I'm home I'm certainly glad I went. I'm not sure that I'm a competitive person... I try to set myself targets... e.g. keep jogging until I reach the next set of traffic lights or try to beat my time from previous jog... but it doesn't really spur me on. I'm planning on joining Maria's running group in the near future and I think that will make a big difference to my motivation to have other people running with me.

Happy Fitness on Tumblr

I've also signed up for a half marathon in May next year (yikes!!). I've joined Team Macmillan and will be raising money for Macmillan Cancer Support.  My mum died of ovarian cancer when I was at university 10 years ago, and this will be my first sponsored jog (might end up being a walk!) for charity.  My sister has done a few 10k runs before, and she has also signed up for the half marathon (it was her idea) so it will be nice for us to do this together in memory of our mum.

I've dropped a dress size already and have nearly reached my target weight. I'm still a long way from my target body fat % (25% is target, I'm currently at 34%!) but it's moving in the right direction at least. I feel so much happier and healthier - lots more energy!

{The Longest Day}

It was this day 10 years ago that my mum passed away.

My sister and I took our gran and visited her grave this morning to lay some flowers. I had also purchased 10 Chinese lanterns to light this evening but it is raining here in Glasgow (it rained all the way from Aberdeen to Glasgow this lunchtime on my drive back!) so unfortunately I'll have to save them for another time.

Miss you always.