Let Me Reintroduce Myself

There have been a lot of changes here in the last few years, and I thought it might be time to reintroduce myself.

Hi! I'm Sarah...

I can vividly remember creating my 35 at 35 list just prior to my 30th birthday... it was a list of 35 things that I wanted to achieve before I turned, you guessed it, 35! And now I find myself sitting at my laptop aged 40!! Where did the time go?

So who am I? 

If you had asked me this question 10 years ago, even 5 years ago... I think you'd have gotten a very different answer to the one I'm going to give you now. A combination of different things - getting older (& hopefully wiser!), the Covid-19 pandemic, navigating some difficult situations with the children and investing in my personal development - have really opened my eyes to what's important in life. Perhaps you can relate?

I'm a single mum of two pre-teens... gosh, what a tricky age they are both at! My son is nearly 13 years old and my daughter has recently turned 11. The hormones are really kicking in! When I was newly single (just before my 30th birthday!), they were 9 months old and just over 2 years old... and I thought it was difficult then. I had believed it would get easier as they got older... spoiler alert, it hasn't. It's a different type of difficult. When they were little it was physically demanding, whereas now it's emotionally demanding. Perhaps it's compounded by the fact that I'm a single mum.

A year ago I gave up my employment, and ventured into a new territory... I had been a Senior Director of Global Program Management at a large pharmaceutical company with teams of project managers across America and Europe, but it just wasn't feeling right anymore. 

You can read more about how I left my corporate career here.

I had been investing in my personal development, the kids were in a difficult spot and I had this realisation that I was prioritising the wrong things. It felt good to step back. I still work in pharma, as a part-time consultant... this means that I can choose the hours I work, and I'm no longer on work calls in the evenings (which came as a result of working with the US and the time difference). With this change in work circumstances, and some other strategies, I've managed to carve out time and space to build my creative businesses.

I'm a certified transformational life coach (although I acknowledge that this is a phrase that's banded about a lot now and perhaps it's not always so clear what it actually is! I've a post on life coaching on my website which might be of interest - you'll find it here). I've decided to call myself a 'productivity coach and small business mentor'. Essentially, I work with small business owners, and help empower them to make sustainable changes in their businesses using project management strategies (drawing on all my corporate experience), plus a mix of mindset work and practical activities so that they get more time. Organisation, systems and processes are my jam!

In addition to the coaching, I'm also an abstract artist and I sell my art via my website. Everyone is creative in their own way, and what I love most is sharing my story... whether that is through my art, my blogs or my weekly newsletters (you can sign up here if you'd like to receive these).

I wholeheartedly believe that it's possible to build a business whilst still being present with your family.

I also believe that it's possible to do this whilst not burning the candle at both ends, or worse yet - burning out.

I am an advocate of living mindfully or more minimally; if you can simplify & streamline your home life then this is one way of creating additional time... giving you freedom to choose what you do with the time you've created.

Freedom and adventure are important to me. One way that I use the additional time I've created is to travel in my campervan, Verity (@veritythevw). My future vision involves more travelling and exploring Scotland. I'm building a business that will allow me to do just that.

Generosity or giving is another value, and I now volunteer every week at the local hospice. I run mindfulness and meditation sessions each week for the out patients at our Living Well Hub. Find out more about my volunteering here on my website.

Lastly I'm passionate about nature and the environment. I get a lot of inspiration from nature for my art, and I love to take walks in nearby parks and forests with my dog, Evie.

Getting clear on my personal values has been an impactful personal development exercise. Being in alignment with my values, in both my personal life and my business, means that my life and work feels good.

Hopefully this gives you a flavour of who I am...

I'd love to hear more about you. Let me know in the comments what is important to you (and if you want some help figuring our your values - this article that I have written might be helpful).

Sarah x

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Here are some ways that I can help you - 

 

🤍 Free training

Slide into my DMs on Instagram with the words ‘Get More Time’ and I'll send you the links to a couple of video training sessions I've recorded on how I use my Google calendar to time block, plus my morning routine and evening routines to book end my days.

 

🤍 Take my 5-day course, ‘Project Manage Your Life’

My popular challenge is now available as a self paced course. Click the link above for more information. In just 5 days, and for £55, I'll have you feeling more organised. 

 

🤍 Work with me 1-to-1

I currently have space for 1-to-1 life coaching clients. Are you a small business owner feeling burnt out, overwhelmed and stressed? I can help you find more time in your day, get organised using project management strategies and personal development techniques, and have you feeling calm and back in control. Find a spot in my calendar here to book in for an introductory call (this isn't a pushy sales call, but rather a genuine desire from me to help you).

Relationships, Marriage & Children

I've been giving a lot of thought to the future lately and what might lay ahead for me...

I was purposely trying not to plan, but it's just to difficult for me not to. I'm a planner, that's just my personality and who I am. So many questions and things to think about...

Could I get married again? Would I have more children? 

The marriage thing I'm not sure about. Yes, I had a bad first experience and am now waiting to get divorced. But I still believe in love and perhaps I would get married again. 

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The children thing I'm more certain on. I don't want any more kids (eek, that's it out there in black and white!). There are a whole heap of reasons... physically and emotionally I don't think I could manage. I had obstetric cholestasis with both pregnancies and thankfully had two healthy babies. I just don't know that I could face the stress and worry of another pregnancy. My son arrived at 33 weeks spontaneously and the doctors were concerned that my second could arrive even earlier. Thankfully I managed to get to 37 weeks before being induced. I also suffered emotionally afterwards and struggled to enjoy parenthood. Despite friends saying it would perhaps be different with a more supportive partner, I'm not sure that that would be the case.

I also don't think I would like to have my current two kids with me 50% of the time, with another baby with me 100% of the time. I just don't feel that it would be fair. I very much wanted my children and I don't want them to feel left out. I didn't have children to only have them with me 50% of the time and I really struggle with this, even now, and this has been the routine now for some time.

Finally, as selfish as this may seem and probably contradicts what I've said above, I do enjoy my time to myself without the kids. Yes, this was not how I imagined my life turning out being divorced in my 30s but I do have a good balance of work, play, family-time and me-time.

I hope that I've been up front with Rick from the start of our relationship on my feelings but it's not something we've discussed in great detail. I'm asking a lot from him... by choosing to stay with me, he would be choosing to not have children of his own. I don't think he's given this enough thought and I've asked him to give this some serious consideration before we think about taking the next step... perhaps moving in together. I don't know what will happen if he decides that in actual fact he does want to have children of his own.

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Relationships - What's in a Name?

Rick has told me that the one thing he would change about me is my surname.

I still have my married surname, despite being separated for over 3 years. To be honest, I hadn't even given it much thought until he mentioned it.

What's in a name? That which we call a rose

{Photography by me!}

I kept the name because I wanted to have the same surname as my kids. I guess I could have asked to double-barrell the kids current surname with my maiden name, but you need the consent of everyone with parental responsibility for this.

Then there's also the issue of my PhD which is also in my married name. I'm not sure that I could still use it if I changed my name? (Does anyone have any experience of this?).

My sister is now separated and very quickly she changed back to her maiden name (you don't have to wait until your divorce is final to revert back) - but there are no kids involved which makes it easier.

I set up a new bank account after the separation and my ex did ask me what name it was under - I think he thought I would have started using my maiden name. Aside from this it hasn't been mentioned. I do wonder what he thinks of it though and perhaps he would want me to change it. Perhaps his partner would want me to change it too because then if and when they get married there would be the two of us with the same surname which may make things complicated at the school or whatever.

My current thoughts are that I could drop my surname altogether like Prince and just be 'Sarah'. Would that work??!

I think one circumstance in which I would reconsider my surname would be if I were to get remarried. Even then I don't know what I would do because I would still like to have a link with the kids in some way.

{It's the weekend!}

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It's the weekend...

...and this weekend I have the children right through until Monday!! This is part of our new routine (more on the mediation process in another post I think) and I'm really looking forward to quality time with them before my son starts school.

I can't believe that he will be going to school this month! He's getting so grown up!

Anyway, have a great weekend everyone!!! 

Sarah x

{#ShareAdvent - Childhood memories}

I've shared quite a lot of my own childhood memories here on the Glasgow Mummy pages... from my favourite childhood books (that I still have to this day!) to my favourite childhood toy (again, that I still have to this day!!). I've even shared pictures from my Christmas in Doha when I was 10 years old... with a funny looking Christmas 'tree'! 

So for today's #ShareAdvent prompt, Childhood memories, I thought I'd share a recent discussion I had with my ex regarding my children and their childhood memories.

Apparently the situation with Gavin, my ex boyfriend, has scarred the children (not sure that was the actual words he used, but it was something along those lines) and that they still talk about him (they've mentioned his name once in front of me since June). Gavin came on a short holiday with the kids and myself (although there were other people there, like my cousin and my sister for parts of the trip) and the ex is of the opinion that I've ruined their memories of their first holiday. I did explain that Gavin was introduced as a friend and we weren't in physical contact with each other in front of the kids. Have I really ruined their memories? I'm not sure I agree. I can't even remember any holidays I went on when I was 6 or 7, let alone what I was doing between the ages of 2-4 years old.

I gave it considerable thought before Gavin met the kids, and it didn't work out. It was my decision to end things. I'm now in a position where I'd like my new boyfriend, R (who I have been seeing for 5 months) to meet them, but the ex thinks I'm being selfish and it's not in their best interests.

I know the situation is far from ideal and I didn't see myself being a separated single mummy. But I want to move on. Obviously I don't want to do anything to jeopardise the children's wellbeing or safety etc but is it selfish that I want R to meet them? They're a massive part of me and my life.

Would appreciate any relevant comments or suggestions on this, from either point of view.

{All By Myself}

As you've probably guessed from the title of this post, things with Gavin haven't worked out as well as I had hoped.

Just a month ago I wrote about moving on, but something just didn't feel quite right. It was very much my decision and I know deep down that it was the right thing to do. I have so much on my plate right now and I need to focus on the children, getting my house sold, getting settled into a new place, and getting the divorce moving forward.

Gavin did meet the kids a few times. Was I wrong in introducing Gavin to them? I'm really not sure. At the time I had thought things through very carefully and to me it seemed like the logical next step. Their contact was minimal and as such the children haven't noticed that they've not seen Gavin recently and his name hasn't been mentioned by them either. They enjoyed his company, but they've not noticed he's missing so I know they weren't attached to him. I'm relieved by this. I'd have felt awful if either of them were asking where he was. 

I've also been so busy myself putting my house back on the market that I've not really had a chance to dwell on things too much. All I can say is that I'm learning to trust my gut instinct and for some reason I knew that the relationship wasn't right for me. 

I can't help but think of the Bridget Jones's Diary scene where she sings 'All By Myself'. I'm currently sat in my pyjamas with a hot water bottle strapped to my tummy as I've got major Crohn's bloat going on and I'm feeling a bit sore and sorry for myself (this post is scheduled to go live in the morning and hopefully by then my mood will have improved!).

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{Saturday Snapshot}

Mwah!

My daughter really is the cutest little thing! I'm biased I know, but just look at her...

I've had a horrible two weeks, but we're all on the mend now and things are on the up *touches wood*

Despite all the stuff that I've got going on that is stressing me out (divorce, moving house, chronic illness...) I need to remember that I have a lot to be thankful for. I found it very difficult last week to keep everything in perspective - I was physically and emotionally drained.

It's hard work being a working (granted part-time, but still!) single parent but there are others out there that are less fortunate than me and I need to try and bear this in mind when times may seem tough. Apologies for my moaning here and on Twitter - as you will have gathered, I'm not great when I'm ill!