Relationships, Marriage & Children

I've been giving a lot of thought to the future lately and what might lay ahead for me...

I was purposely trying not to plan, but it's just to difficult for me not to. I'm a planner, that's just my personality and who I am. So many questions and things to think about...

Could I get married again? Would I have more children? 

The marriage thing I'm not sure about. Yes, I had a bad first experience and am now waiting to get divorced. But I still believe in love and perhaps I would get married again. 

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The children thing I'm more certain on. I don't want any more kids (eek, that's it out there in black and white!). There are a whole heap of reasons... physically and emotionally I don't think I could manage. I had obstetric cholestasis with both pregnancies and thankfully had two healthy babies. I just don't know that I could face the stress and worry of another pregnancy. My son arrived at 33 weeks spontaneously and the doctors were concerned that my second could arrive even earlier. Thankfully I managed to get to 37 weeks before being induced. I also suffered emotionally afterwards and struggled to enjoy parenthood. Despite friends saying it would perhaps be different with a more supportive partner, I'm not sure that that would be the case.

I also don't think I would like to have my current two kids with me 50% of the time, with another baby with me 100% of the time. I just don't feel that it would be fair. I very much wanted my children and I don't want them to feel left out. I didn't have children to only have them with me 50% of the time and I really struggle with this, even now, and this has been the routine now for some time.

Finally, as selfish as this may seem and probably contradicts what I've said above, I do enjoy my time to myself without the kids. Yes, this was not how I imagined my life turning out being divorced in my 30s but I do have a good balance of work, play, family-time and me-time.

I hope that I've been up front with Rick from the start of our relationship on my feelings but it's not something we've discussed in great detail. I'm asking a lot from him... by choosing to stay with me, he would be choosing to not have children of his own. I don't think he's given this enough thought and I've asked him to give this some serious consideration before we think about taking the next step... perhaps moving in together. I don't know what will happen if he decides that in actual fact he does want to have children of his own.

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Relationships - What's in a Name?

Rick has told me that the one thing he would change about me is my surname.

I still have my married surname, despite being separated for over 3 years. To be honest, I hadn't even given it much thought until he mentioned it.

What's in a name? That which we call a rose

{Photography by me!}

I kept the name because I wanted to have the same surname as my kids. I guess I could have asked to double-barrell the kids current surname with my maiden name, but you need the consent of everyone with parental responsibility for this.

Then there's also the issue of my PhD which is also in my married name. I'm not sure that I could still use it if I changed my name? (Does anyone have any experience of this?).

My sister is now separated and very quickly she changed back to her maiden name (you don't have to wait until your divorce is final to revert back) - but there are no kids involved which makes it easier.

I set up a new bank account after the separation and my ex did ask me what name it was under - I think he thought I would have started using my maiden name. Aside from this it hasn't been mentioned. I do wonder what he thinks of it though and perhaps he would want me to change it. Perhaps his partner would want me to change it too because then if and when they get married there would be the two of us with the same surname which may make things complicated at the school or whatever.

My current thoughts are that I could drop my surname altogether like Prince and just be 'Sarah'. Would that work??!

I think one circumstance in which I would reconsider my surname would be if I were to get remarried. Even then I don't know what I would do because I would still like to have a link with the kids in some way.

Planning & Looking to the Future

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I'm a planner.

I love to organise my time, know where I'm going to be and when... 

I don't like the uncertainty of not knowing what's around the corner.

In my head I have a clearer career plan. My new job has helped with that and I feel focussed in this area of my life.

I also have a fitness plan, and I'm feeling motivated to reach my goal. Next on my list is to manage at least one full, proper press-up. So far I can only do press-ups on my knees. I also need to lose a few more pounds.

What I don't like is the uncertainty of my personal life... relationships, money, health... I'm not feeling very settled for some reason and it's making me stressed and emotional.

Things with my divorce are starting to progress again in the right direction, and at a better speed than before. So hopefully I'll have some resolution in this area soon. I do think this will help dramatically with things. Plus it will be good when those lawyer bills finally stop!! Which leads onto money, or lack thereof. I've been saving where possible to allow my luxuries to continue. However I'm really feeling it this year and I've borrowed money from my dad and my sister. It should all even out eventually as my student loan repayments are going to stop this quarter - that will help hugely! All this stress is making my Crohn's symptoms worse and I'm feeling pretty exhausted most of the time. However I'm great at 'putting on a good show' as my doctor put it, and I carry on regardless.

I have an Easter holiday organised which I'm really looking forward to. My sister and her boyfriend have booked a luxury lodge in Scotland (I will pay you back eventually...promise!) and we've been planning what to do with our week off. There will be the four grown-ups plus our four kids. I'm hoping for dry weather so we can BBQ, play in the park and have some quality time together.

So for now, I'm going to breathe... (try to) trust... let go... and see what happens!

The Key to a Happy Relationship?

I heard a snippet on the radio the other week from a couple celebrating their 70th wedding anniversary (can't remember exactly the number of years, but it was a lot!). They said that they key to their successful marriage was arguing.

R & I are yet to have an argument, or even a disagreement for that matter. Not sure if that's a good or a bad sign!

In a relationship where there isn't even a heated conversation, it apparently could be that one or both parties don't feel safe enough to express themselves. I totally understand that, and I can appreciate that you may be in a relationship where it's difficult to be honest. Thankfully though this doesn't apply to me now (& I hope it doesn't apply to R either!).

Is this really true?

I'm not a confrontational person and think I'm generally quite laid back. I'd say I'm open and honest with everyone that crosses my path. And R is laid back too. So perhaps that's why we've not had any fights - it's against our individual personalities.

We've been in a couple of stressful situations, like when we got locked out of the house, and I had thought if we were going to argue that'd be when it would have happened. But it didn't. We managed to keep calm, organised a lock smith to come out to the house & even went for an ice cream whilst we waited! (R had to go & get the ice cream as I was in my nightshirt...oops!). Now we look back on it & have a laugh. How on earth did we manage to both leave without keys :-/

And I think moving forward that we may potentially have (hopefully small) bumps in the road as we try to blend our lives together (more on this another time I think, but suffice to say things are going well!). I am confident that we will be able to have rational discussions without the need to argue. It's definitely good to talk. This is one of the lessons I learned from my past.

I couldn't agree more!

One other thing I have learned is not to bottle things up and let resentment and anger set in - everything will be blown out of proportion. It's best to raise your issue early. It's also important to listen. There are two sides to every story.

So tell me, what are your thoughts - is it really healthy for a relationship to be arguing all the time? 

{35 at 35: Fall in love again, check!}

When I wrote my 35 at 35 list, I had no idea what the future had in store for me.

Here I am two and a half years down the line, and I am genuinely happy.

I also feel able & ready to tick off number 34 on the list, fall in love again.

My one issue was that I was struggling to say those three little words...

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My sister kept texting me asking had I dropped the 'L-bomb' yet, and for every message I responded no. I was too scared.

So when is the right time to say I Love You?

I didn't want to be tipsy because I wanted R to know that I meant it, and that it wasn't just the gin talking! I also wanted it to be face-to-face rather than a text message, but see above re: being too scared. Being sober and saying 'I love you' to someone's face is not an easy thing to do! I'm really shy about these kinds of things and I sometimes struggle to talk about my feelings.

Anyway, in the end I didn't have the confidence to say it aloud, and decided instead to write a message in a card which I left under the duvet for R to find!

I wish I had bought this card - we both love a cheesy pun! {image source}

I was there when he read it (which sort of makes it face-to-face, although I was hiding under the duvet in sheer embarrassment!?!) and as soon as he had finished reading my well thought out love letter (which I had scribbled 10 minutes earlier in the bathroom!!) he told me that he loved me too.

Awww!! 

I also managed to finally say the words out loud too which is progress.

I think I'm scared of getting hurt again. But R & I have taken things slowly and I have waited until the time is right rather than rushing things. And I'm ever so happy :-)

I thought this was very cute, and again another amusing pun!! {image source}

P.S Sorry for all the lovey-dovey chat, the cheese and the gushing!

P.P.S Have a great weekend folks! 

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{Sundays}

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R has been on holiday for 2 weeks and he arrived back this morning at 6am-ish (I've scheduled this post in advance in case you're wondering!).

Truth is, I missed him... a lot!

Hence why I have been keeping myself busy with DIY, decorating, sewing, gardening etc!

The kids are with their dad this weekend and hopefully if my Saturday went to plan then I will have a clean house, a well stocked fridge and no piles of laundry to contend with.

Today will be spent catching up with my man. I literally cannot wait.

P.S. don't forget to enter my competition for Ideal Home Show Scotland tickets. I have 4 pairs up for grabs. Enter here :-)

{Co-parenting}

I like to think that the kids dad and I have good working relationship when it comes to the co-parenting. I was unable to rely on him as a partner, but thankfully still able to rely on him as a parent. Initially I wasn't very trusting, but I'm hoping that I've improved - at least where the parenting is concerned.

The children have adapted well to the new arrangements and I think this is helped by the fact that their dad and I communicate well.

I've been asked by some other single parents how I've managed this, and I'm not sure there is a secret to share. I guess a lot of it comes down to our personalities - I think I'm a relatively laid back person (do let me know if you disagree!). I'm very proud of myself with how I've dealt with the situation over the past 2 years or so.

Littlest as a baby :)

Immediately after the split I had the children 6 nights a week as he had moved back into his parents house and he wasn't able to take them any more than that. Once he moved into his own rented house, he increased the number of nights and we're now at a 50/50 split. I certainly would never try and stop him seeing the children, which I've heard happen in some cases. He's their father and I'm very happy that he's playing an active role in their upbringing.

The arrangement for the weekends isn't ideal and we both know this will need to change before August when our son starts school. At the moment the kids are with their dad 6 out of every 8 weekend days. The reason for this is that I'm off work on a Thursday and Friday so I spend all day with them then (although it's mainly spent going to classes, swimming lessons, nursery drop-offs/pick-ups etc). I'm hoping that we can move to an even split soon and this is under discussion.

Outside of the day-to-day arrangements, we have shared birthday parties for the kids where my family and his will get together to celebrate, eat cake etc. We're currently in the process of organising a party for the littlest who turns 3 in April.

I was at his house on Christmas morning to see the kids open their presents from Santa.

Christmas morning 2013

When he picks the kids up, or vice versa, we'll sometimes have a quick cup of tea or whatever and catch up.

Initially I was of the opinion that doing things just the four of us was confusing for the kids, but I'm now glad that we did and I do think it is in their best interests that we can do things together.

I've just recently set up a shared calendar to allow us to view appointments, school holidays etc. This was suggested to me by another single mum and I'm hoping that it will further improve our communication.

I'm learning that if I'm not happy with something, rather than bottling it up I will make a telephone call to their dad to discuss. Likewise, I think he'd do the same.

We had a chat over the phone before R met the kids. We didn't agree, but we at least discussed it.

I personally prefer email as a means of communication. It allows me to consider my words carefully, and I can walk away and come back to it prior to sending if need be. But the negative point is that emails and texts may be taken the wrong way. (I personally tend to read out emails in my head prior to sending them to make sure they read ok).

What's difficult is dealing with questions from the kids, and my son who is now 4.5 years old is now asking why his mum and dad live in different houses whereas his other friends have a mummy and daddy in the same house. Whereas previously it was just accepted.

I replied and said that some mummies and daddies live together and some live separately, and that both was ok. I also texted their dad to tell him about this because then if he gets the same questions he'll know how I responded.

What are your thoughts, and do you have any tips for amicable co-parenting?

{35 at 35: Move house, check!}

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Item number 30 on my 35 at 35 list is to 'move house' and tomorrow is moving day. Eek!!!

This is the 12th item that I'll have ticked off my list. I was aiming to complete 7 items a year but this is only number 5 for 2013. I had better get a move on and get another two completed if I'm to stay on track!! (Hmmm... which one to do next I wonder!)

I've already started planning how I'd like the new house to look... here are the posts on my ideas for the Scottish themed living room and my son's superhero bedroom. It's all very exciting and I'm looking forward to the fresh start.

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It's been 21 months since I separated from my husband, and it's only now that things seem to be moving in the right direction towards our divorce. This new house marks a big change for me and I'm ready for it... I think so anyway!!

P.S. Please bear with me as I have no idea when I'll be back online properly and my blog might be a bit quieter for a week or so.  

{Guest Post}

I'm not even going to introduce this guest post, as he's written his own wee intro. Read on...

I read and enjoyed @Glasgow_Mummy ‘s blog post called Do you have a TV in your bedroom?

It reminded me of the type of blog post I used to do, and when @Glasgow_Mummy offered me the chance to do a response / guest post, I jumped at the chance.

You see, long ago in a galaxy far, far away, I used to blog.

I used to blog a lot.

I’d talk about relationships, and marital problems, and dating dilemmas, and fatherhood issues, and rant about all manner of things.

You might have read it.

It was called The Life of a Single Man.

I’m @Single_Man_75

Or I used to be.

I haven’t been @Single_Man_75 since early April now.  A lot of things prompted me to lose that identity and nowadays I reside on Twitter under a less anonymous account.  If you want to look me up, I’m @therock7507 and my name is Gary.

So I figure I need to respond to Sarah’s post.  She started by asking if we have TVs in our bedroom.

So do I?

Yes I do.  I always have, from when I was a child.  I can’t recall when I got one, but it probably dated from when I got my first computer, maybe aged 8.  For a long time all I did was play computer games on it and nothing else, but as I became a teenager then I started watching TV up in my room.

I blame this for the slow development of my social skills.

In fact I still have a severe lack of social skills, as those who have met me will attest. (I disagree!!)

I used to watch a hell of a lot of TV in my room as a teenager.  In fact, I barely went out.

So it seemed natural to have a TV in my room when I moved out to go to University and later to move in with the woman who became my wife.  She had also had a TV in her room for a long time and we regularly watched TV.

It wasn’t a good marriage, as some of you who read my blogs on the subject may remember.  Like Sarah says, having a TV in the bedroom can hinder communication in a relationship, and I’d certainly subscribe to that view.

TV often became the only thing we’d do in the bedroom.

Yes you read that right.  And the things you’re thinking right now, they’re right too.

So when my kids have been growing up, I’ve steadfastly refused to allow them to have TVs in their bedroom.  I just won’t do it.

I still have a TV in my bedroom but the only time its on is when the kids come into bed with me in a morning.

In relationships I’ve had since my divorce, I’ve found that the women involved don’t like the TV and so we’ve never lay there and watched it.

In short, we’ve found other things to do in the bedroom.

Yes you read that right.  And the things you’re thinking right now, they’re right too.

Sarah also asks about laptops and tablet devices.  I have both.  The tablet is a new thing and comes via my work, but I can’t imagine life without it.  I’m almost permanently attached to it.

But I agree with Sarah about laptops – during the worst times of my marriage, going on the laptop became, for her more than me but definitely for both of us, an escape route.  It meant we didn’t have to spend time together and, in doing so, we drifted apart.

The same is true of Sarah’s next point about going to bed alone.  When my then wife was using the laptop, usually on Facebook, she would stay up late to chat to friends (and the person who she eventually cheated on me with) – and I’d go to bed alone, resenting this.

Its not the same as going to bed on an argument, which is something I’ve never done (as I can’t leave an argument alone until I know its over and done with), but I take the point.

Most of these mistakes were mistakes in my marriage, and I haven’t repeated them in subsequent relationships thankfully.

@Glasgow_Mummy is right – grass is greener where you water it.  Simple gestures make a huge difference.  I remember my ex wife very rarely did any little gestures, either gifts or little verbal encouragers, or physical contact.  That says more about her than it does me, and says a lot about the state of our marriage for nine years, and looking back now I can see how poor our relationship was – but back then it was all I knew, and its only subsequent relationships that have taught me this.

I started off this guest post thinking I’d be able to put a man’s perspective on these things and that that perspective might be opposite, but its really not.  If anything my experiences have shown that Sarah has it bang on.

I’ve enjoyed writing this guest post though.

I miss blogging.

My blog is gone, almost certainly never to return.

It ran its course. It told the story of my love life, from marital split and divorce, to dating again, horror stories and success stories, casual sex and one night stands, and the stories of my unusual relationships...and in the end I ran out of things to say about love and relationships.

I had plenty of other things to say, and I still do, but the blog and my Twitter ID needed a complete rebrand and I couldn’t be @Single_Man_75 any more.

So I stopped.

Just like that.

I’m still here though.

Look me up if you want... @therock7507

I don’t talk about love or relationships any more.  Maybe that’s because I’m happy and content and in a loving relationship, without doubt the best one I’ve ever been in.  I’ve been with my girlfriend now since mid January and we love each other immensely.  Its a long distance relationship so has its share of problems that are related to distance, but in every other aspect its now very healthy and strong – though its gone through some difficult patches while we have both adjusted to being in a long term relationship again after both being hurt in the past.

I guess its impossible to reach my grand old age without having some emotional baggage.

I could write several blogs about that, and getting used to being in a relationship again.

Maybe some day I will.

For now, I miss her when she’s not around, and feel genuinely sad when I say goodbye to her.  I never tire of talking to her and both of us are constantly doing little simple gestures to and for each other.

I’m in love again, and this time its for real.

And not once has the TV been on in the bedroom.  

There’s no time for TV in the bedroom these days.

Till next time...

{Do you have a TV in your bedroom?}

I've been having this discussion with a few of my friends this past week or so, with the jist being that we all feel that technology has a negative impact on relationships.

TV in the bedroom, yay or nay?
I grew up with no television in my bedroom (I vaguely remember about age 15 I had a black & white tune-in TV but it was rubbish and I didn't have it long). I was in my early 20s when I first had a TV in my bedroom but I was living on my own with my husband's parents (boyfriend at the time, and he was living elsewhere in Scotland!) and so it made sense to have a separate TV that I could watch.
When I then moved in with my husband (by which point he was my fiance) we continued to have a TV in the bedroom, but now looking back I think it was a bad decision and it had a definite negative impact on us. We watched far too much television and chose to sit in silence rather than communicating with each other.

At the moment I have a TV in my bedroom, mainly to keep the kids occupied whilst I get ready in the morning. When I move to my new house, there are going to be new rules and no televisions in bedrooms is one of them.

Laptop computers & tablet devices
I've never owned a laptop computer or a tablet device and I'm not sure that I ever will. I guess I'm quite old school in that respect.

My husband spent a lot of time on his laptop computer, and again, it meant that we weren't communicating with each other.

If I want to do something on the computer, I sit at my desk. If the kids want to play a computer game, we sit all together at the desk to play.

For a while I was letting my eldest play with my iPhone on the odd occasion, but I could see that he was becoming obsessed with it and as such he now doesn't get it at all.

Anyway, all this chat got me thinking about all the other things that I should have done differently in my marriage.

Don't go to bed alone
More often than not, my husband and I went to bed at different times. I struggled to stay up late and he was always up until the small hours working. Or if he did come to bed, I'd fall asleep and he'd stay up watching TV in our room.

I think we probably should have compromised and met somewhere in the middle.

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Speaking of meeting in the middle, we had a gigantic super king bed. Yes, we're both tall - but I'm not sure we needed so much space. I could stretch my arms out in bed and I wouldn't be able to reach my husband. Surely that's not right? I'm never buying a super king bed again.

Never go to sleep on an argument - really?
I've never been one for arguments, but for some reason my husband would want to have important discussions at some crazy hour before he went to sleep. I was always too tired and really struggled to focus and get my point across. I definitely think that it's better to wait until the morning and yes, go to sleep on an argument.

The grass is greener where you water it
Everyone should know that relationships are hard work. The more you put in, the more you get out.

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One of my pet hates was my husband swearing at me. It was the only thing I asked him not to do and it was the one thing he kept on doing. I don't think you should be calling your other half names, throwing things at them or swearing. Treat someone how you'd like to be treated in return.

There's also something to be said about small gestures. It's so nice to get a simple compliment, or a nice cup of tea made for you...and it doesn't cost a thing! Not saying there's anything wrong with flowers etc but you don't need to even go that far to make someone know they're special.

It's good to talk
Communication was one of our major downfalls. I think if there's something you want, then you should ask for it. There's no point letting things fester and build up into bigger deals than they originally were. It'll just make you angrier/upset. My downfall is that I'm fairly crap at talking about my feelings and prefer to communicate in writing.

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Having fun
I think it's important to have fun things that you do as a couple. It became a habit that we would stay in, every night, even if we didn't have the children. I think I'd forgotten how to have a laugh.

Equally, I think it's key to have your own hobbies and interests outside of your relationship. I've always been one for trying new classes or activities, but when the kids came along I stopped doing all these things and I do regret that.

What do you think? Does technology have a negative impact on relationships?

{All By Myself}

As you've probably guessed from the title of this post, things with Gavin haven't worked out as well as I had hoped.

Just a month ago I wrote about moving on, but something just didn't feel quite right. It was very much my decision and I know deep down that it was the right thing to do. I have so much on my plate right now and I need to focus on the children, getting my house sold, getting settled into a new place, and getting the divorce moving forward.

Gavin did meet the kids a few times. Was I wrong in introducing Gavin to them? I'm really not sure. At the time I had thought things through very carefully and to me it seemed like the logical next step. Their contact was minimal and as such the children haven't noticed that they've not seen Gavin recently and his name hasn't been mentioned by them either. They enjoyed his company, but they've not noticed he's missing so I know they weren't attached to him. I'm relieved by this. I'd have felt awful if either of them were asking where he was. 

I've also been so busy myself putting my house back on the market that I've not really had a chance to dwell on things too much. All I can say is that I'm learning to trust my gut instinct and for some reason I knew that the relationship wasn't right for me. 

I can't help but think of the Bridget Jones's Diary scene where she sings 'All By Myself'. I'm currently sat in my pyjamas with a hot water bottle strapped to my tummy as I've got major Crohn's bloat going on and I'm feeling a bit sore and sorry for myself (this post is scheduled to go live in the morning and hopefully by then my mood will have improved!).

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{Wedding Anniversary}

Today would have been my 6 year wedding anniversary.

I remember waking up in the morning and being so excited and happy. I don't remember being nervous or anxious.

I had been continually told that I'd naturally lose weight on the run up to the wedding, but I was so organised (I do love a spreadsheet!) that I wasn't stressed at all. I spent the week before the wedding in Aberdeen with friends and family and all the eating out and cakes meant that my weight went up a bit. I really did panic on the morning as my bridesmaids literally had to squeeze me into my dress... thankfully they got it closed, just!

We had a little hiccup with our cars (my mother-in-law drove into the back of my own car that my father-in-law was driving and I had to get a new bumper!) and I was sad that my own mother wasn't there to share the day with us, but otherwise it went really well and the sun even made an appearance!

Despite all the heartache that has happened since, I've still got happy memories of this day.

My 'Tuscany' dress was from Joyce Young

Arriving at the church

My sister & I

We had dance lessons for our first dance as I've got two left feet!!

At the end of the night... drunk & happy! It was such a good day! 

(I've cropped out husband from photo!!)

{You're Just my Cup of Tea}

It looks like a few of my followers are reckoning that Single_Man_75 and I are an item, especially in light of his recent announcement.

I thought I would clarify things a bit... yes, Single_Man_75 came to Glasgow to visit, but I'm not the woman in his life that he is now referring to on his blog.

I guess it's now an appropriate time to briefly mention that I have however also met someone. My husband is aware of this (I was spotted apparently) but I had planned to tell him anyway before he meets the children (which is yet to happen).

Not sure I want to go into any more detail at the moment... I'm sure you can all understand why. What I will say is that I'm really happy (despite all my current stress that is associated with moving house!!). 

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{Selling Houses}

I'm a tad stressed out and emotions are running high.

I'm ready to move on... time for a fresh start... and as such my husband and I have decided to sell our marital home. There was no pressure put on me, but I know that it's the right thing to do. I would like to move to an area where the local schools are better and I also need to downsize. I really don't need to be living in a house this size when it's just me for 3 nights of the week!

There have been so many happy memories in this house, but coupled with that are the not so happy ones.

I'm sad to be leaving but excited for what the change will bring.

I'm doing my very best to declutter, organise and clear up as I make my way round the rooms. There are also a few small DIY jobs that are (still!) outstanding - work work to be freshened up and I'm halfway through painting my small internal bathroom.

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I want the house to be warm & welcoming for viewers - today I bought a plant for the office and I have some pictures to hang... I'm getting there, slowly!

I've also seen on Pinterest that you can put vanilla extract in a coffee cup in the oven for an hour and it makes the whole house smell like heaven apparently!

Here's hoping by the end of the week I will have the house sparkling and ready to go on the market. There's just the legal stuff to sort out and then we're set. Eek!

What are your tips for a successful sale?

{January Joy - 18th Jan}

The prompt for today's #JanuaryJoy post, 'Do some Family planning' definitely got me reflecting on the previous few years... 

I had a peek at Wikipedia to see what the definition of family planning is, and it's as I thought:

'the planning of when to have children and the use of birth control and other techniques to implement such plans'

I got married when I was 25 years old, and I always knew that I wanted to be a mum so it seemed natural to start trying for a baby quite soon. My husband is 4 years older than me and most of our friends were older, so we weren't the first to have children. After 11 months of trying and the disappointment after each negative pregnancy test, I remember being shocked when the result was finally positive - I couldn't quite believe it. At the time my husband wasn't with me, as I was convinced it was going to be another negative result so I took the test on my own. I couldn't contain myself and ended up calling him on his mobile to tell him the exciting news. However, he was on a train with a work associate and wasn't able to share in my delight... whoops! 

Anyway, we waited 12 weeks and had a private scan before we told any of our friends or family, the only other person that knew was a work colleague who I had to inform for health & safety reasons. I have Crohn's Disease for which I take immunosuppresant drugs every day and I was a little concerned that this might impact negatively upon the pregnancy. My early pregnancy was a breeze surprisingly enough (no sickness or anything!), but it was the latter stages that things became difficult and I developed a serious liver condition called obstetric cholestasis.

I had my son when I was 27 and it wasn't the easiest of journey's into motherhood - I went into spontaneous early labour at 33 weeks and I wasn't ready at all.  

My son, when we finally got him home from hospital aged 5 weeks!

There is just 22 months between my sister and I, and from the outset I had my heart set on having two children close together in age. My husband was on the same page, and after a traumatic year with our son we decided selfishly that if were going to have another we would do it quickly to 'get the difficult baby bit over with as soon as possible'. I ended up falling pregnant shortly after my son's first birthday, a few weeks after we decided to start trying! There was concern from my obstetrician that I would develop the liver condition again and go into labour even earlier, and I spent each week worrying that I might develop the dreaded itch. I made it to 35 weeks symptom-free and was induced at 37 weeks giving birth to a beautiful little girl when I was 29.

During all this my marriage had hit a rough patch and things were far from great. And now, here I am, aged 31 as a single mummy with two toddlers. 

I'm now not sure that there is a right time to start family planning. I believed I was being sensible and had it all thought through in my head... and look where I've ended up.

Now I'm trying to live for the moment... not worrying about the future or contemplating the past too much. What's done is done... 

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