Friday, 1 May 2015

Relationships - What's in a Name?

Rick has told me that the one thing he would change about me is my surname.

I still have my married surname, despite being separated for over 3 years. To be honest, I hadn't even given it much thought until he mentioned it.

What's in a name? That which we call a rose
{Photography by me!}

I kept the name because I wanted to have the same surname as my kids. I guess I could have asked to double-barrell the kids current surname with my maiden name, but you need the consent of everyone with parental responsibility for this.

Then there's also the issue of my PhD which is also in my married name. I'm not sure that I could still use it if I changed my name? (Does anyone have any experience of this?).

My sister is now separated and very quickly she changed back to her maiden name (you don't have to wait until your divorce is final to revert back) - but there are no kids involved which makes it easier.

I set up a new bank account after the separation and my ex did ask me what name it was under - I think he thought I would have started using my maiden name. Aside from this it hasn't been mentioned. I do wonder what he thinks of it though and perhaps he would want me to change it. Perhaps his partner would want me to change it too because then if and when they get married there would be the two of us with the same surname which may make things complicated at the school or whatever.

My current thoughts are that I could drop my surname altogether like Prince and just be 'Sarah'. Would that work??!

I think one circumstance in which I would reconsider my surname would be if I were to get remarried. Even then I don't know what I would do because I would still like to have a link with the kids in some way.


  1. When my parents separated (I was 16, my brother 13), my mum kept her surname for a few years. Around 4 or 5 years later, she approached us both and asked if we would mind if she changed her name back to her maiden name. By this stage, my dad had re-married and therefore my stepmum had taken his name too. My brother and I had no issue with her name - she as still our mum. So, she changed back to her maiden name, and then married my stepdad a couple of years later. I don't think it matters what your name is - I suppose it depends on what you want, and how your kids may feel. Steph x

    1. Thanks Steph for you comment. My kids are still little, so I don't think they would have an opinion really. I agree - there will be a lot of modern families which have mixed names and I don't think it really matters either. I guess this has only come up because Rick questioned it. I still need to give it some proper thought and decide what I want x


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