Thursday, 29 August 2013

{Guest Post}

I'm not even going to introduce this guest post, as he's written his own wee intro. Read on...

I read and enjoyed @Glasgow_Mummy ‘s blog post called Do you have a TV in your bedroom?

It reminded me of the type of blog post I used to do, and when @Glasgow_Mummy offered me the chance to do a response / guest post, I jumped at the chance.

You see, long ago in a galaxy far, far away, I used to blog.

I used to blog a lot.

I’d talk about relationships, and marital problems, and dating dilemmas, and fatherhood issues, and rant about all manner of things.

You might have read it.

It was called The Life of a Single Man.

I’m @Single_Man_75
Or I used to be.

I haven’t been @Single_Man_75 since early April now.  A lot of things prompted me to lose that identity and nowadays I reside on Twitter under a less anonymous account.  If you want to look me up, I’m @therock7507 and my name is Gary.

So I figure I need to respond to Sarah’s post.  She started by asking if we have TVs in our bedroom.

So do I?

Yes I do.  I always have, from when I was a child.  I can’t recall when I got one, but it probably dated from when I got my first computer, maybe aged 8.  For a long time all I did was play computer games on it and nothing else, but as I became a teenager then I started watching TV up in my room.
I blame this for the slow development of my social skills.
In fact I still have a severe lack of social skills, as those who have met me will attest. (I disagree!!)
I used to watch a hell of a lot of TV in my room as a teenager.  In fact, I barely went out.
So it seemed natural to have a TV in my room when I moved out to go to University and later to move in with the woman who became my wife.  She had also had a TV in her room for a long time and we regularly watched TV.
It wasn’t a good marriage, as some of you who read my blogs on the subject may remember.  Like Sarah says, having a TV in the bedroom can hinder communication in a relationship, and I’d certainly subscribe to that view.

TV often became the only thing we’d do in the bedroom.

Yes you read that right.  And the things you’re thinking right now, they’re right too.

So when my kids have been growing up, I’ve steadfastly refused to allow them to have TVs in their bedroom.  I just won’t do it.

I still have a TV in my bedroom but the only time its on is when the kids come into bed with me in a morning.

In relationships I’ve had since my divorce, I’ve found that the women involved don’t like the TV and so we’ve never lay there and watched it.

In short, we’ve found other things to do in the bedroom.

Yes you read that right.  And the things you’re thinking right now, they’re right too.

Sarah also asks about laptops and tablet devices.  I have both.  The tablet is a new thing and comes via my work, but I can’t imagine life without it.  I’m almost permanently attached to it.
But I agree with Sarah about laptops – during the worst times of my marriage, going on the laptop became, for her more than me but definitely for both of us, an escape route.  It meant we didn’t have to spend time together and, in doing so, we drifted apart.

The same is true of Sarah’s next point about going to bed alone.  When my then wife was using the laptop, usually on Facebook, she would stay up late to chat to friends (and the person who she eventually cheated on me with) – and I’d go to bed alone, resenting this.

Its not the same as going to bed on an argument, which is something I’ve never done (as I can’t leave an argument alone until I know its over and done with), but I take the point.
Most of these mistakes were mistakes in my marriage, and I haven’t repeated them in subsequent relationships thankfully.

@Glasgow_Mummy is right – grass is greener where you water it.  Simple gestures make a huge difference.  I remember my ex wife very rarely did any little gestures, either gifts or little verbal encouragers, or physical contact.  That says more about her than it does me, and says a lot about the state of our marriage for nine years, and looking back now I can see how poor our relationship was – but back then it was all I knew, and its only subsequent relationships that have taught me this.

I started off this guest post thinking I’d be able to put a man’s perspective on these things and that that perspective might be opposite, but its really not.  If anything my experiences have shown that Sarah has it bang on.

I’ve enjoyed writing this guest post though.

I miss blogging.

My blog is gone, almost certainly never to return.

It ran its course. It told the story of my love life, from marital split and divorce, to dating again, horror stories and success stories, casual sex and one night stands, and the stories of my unusual relationships...and in the end I ran out of things to say about love and relationships.

I had plenty of other things to say, and I still do, but the blog and my Twitter ID needed a complete rebrand and I couldn’t be @Single_Man_75 any more.

So I stopped.

Just like that.

I’m still here though.

Look me up if you want... @therock7507

I don’t talk about love or relationships any more.  Maybe that’s because I’m happy and content and in a loving relationship, without doubt the best one I’ve ever been in.  I’ve been with my girlfriend now since mid January and we love each other immensely.  Its a long distance relationship so has its share of problems that are related to distance, but in every other aspect its now very healthy and strong – though its gone through some difficult patches while we have both adjusted to being in a long term relationship again after both being hurt in the past.

I guess its impossible to reach my grand old age without having some emotional baggage.

I could write several blogs about that, and getting used to being in a relationship again.

Maybe some day I will.

For now, I miss her when she’s not around, and feel genuinely sad when I say goodbye to her.  I never tire of talking to her and both of us are constantly doing little simple gestures to and for each other.

I’m in love again, and this time its for real.

And not once has the TV been on in the bedroom.  

There’s no time for TV in the bedroom these days.

Till next time...

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