Friday, 23 August 2013

{Do you have a TV in your bedroom?}

I've been having this discussion with a few of my friends this past week or so, with the jist being that we all feel that technology has a negative impact on relationships.

TV in the bedroom, yay or nay?
I grew up with no television in my bedroom (I vaguely remember about age 15 I had a black & white tune-in TV but it was rubbish and I didn't have it long). I was in my early 20s when I first had a TV in my bedroom but I was living on my own with my husband's parents (boyfriend at the time, and he was living elsewhere in Scotland!) and so it made sense to have a separate TV that I could watch.
When I then moved in with my husband (by which point he was my fiance) we continued to have a TV in the bedroom, but now looking back I think it was a bad decision and it had a definite negative impact on us. We watched far too much television and chose to sit in silence rather than communicating with each other.

At the moment I have a TV in my bedroom, mainly to keep the kids occupied whilst I get ready in the morning. When I move to my new house, there are going to be new rules and no televisions in bedrooms is one of them.

Laptop computers & tablet devices
I've never owned a laptop computer or a tablet device and I'm not sure that I ever will. I guess I'm quite old school in that respect.

My husband spent a lot of time on his laptop computer, and again, it meant that we weren't communicating with each other.

If I want to do something on the computer, I sit at my desk. If the kids want to play a computer game, we sit all together at the desk to play.

For a while I was letting my eldest play with my iPhone on the odd occasion, but I could see that he was becoming obsessed with it and as such he now doesn't get it at all.

Anyway, all this chat got me thinking about all the other things that I should have done differently in my marriage.

Don't go to bed alone
More often than not, my husband and I went to bed at different times. I struggled to stay up late and he was always up until the small hours working. Or if he did come to bed, I'd fall asleep and he'd stay up watching TV in our room.

I think we probably should have compromised and met somewhere in the middle.


Speaking of meeting in the middle, we had a gigantic super king bed. Yes, we're both tall - but I'm not sure we needed so much space. I could stretch my arms out in bed and I wouldn't be able to reach my husband. Surely that's not right? I'm never buying a super king bed again.

Never go to sleep on an argument - really?
I've never been one for arguments, but for some reason my husband would want to have important discussions at some crazy hour before he went to sleep. I was always too tired and really struggled to focus and get my point across. I definitely think that it's better to wait until the morning and yes, go to sleep on an argument.

The grass is greener where you water it
Everyone should know that relationships are hard work. The more you put in, the more you get out.


One of my pet hates was my husband swearing at me. It was the only thing I asked him not to do and it was the one thing he kept on doing. I don't think you should be calling your other half names, throwing things at them or swearing. Treat someone how you'd like to be treated in return.

There's also something to be said about small gestures. It's so nice to get a simple compliment, or a nice cup of tea made for you...and it doesn't cost a thing! Not saying there's anything wrong with flowers etc but you don't need to even go that far to make someone know they're special.

It's good to talk
Communication was one of our major downfalls. I think if there's something you want, then you should ask for it. There's no point letting things fester and build up into bigger deals than they originally were. It'll just make you angrier/upset. My downfall is that I'm fairly crap at talking about my feelings and prefer to communicate in writing.




Having fun
I think it's important to have fun things that you do as a couple. It became a habit that we would stay in, every night, even if we didn't have the children. I think I'd forgotten how to have a laugh.

Equally, I think it's key to have your own hobbies and interests outside of your relationship. I've always been one for trying new classes or activities, but when the kids came along I stopped doing all these things and I do regret that.

What do you think? Does technology have a negative impact on relationships?

17 comments:

  1. We don't have a TV in our bedroom and i think that's a good thing. I am a total night out but P goes to bed early, the way we deal with that is i sit with him for a while before he sleeps and then i have a weekend lie in giving him time to watch football on a Sunday morning. Different bed times work for us but we have a silent agreement about it

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  2. We had a tv in our bedroom during our married life (we separated last year, divorced month or so ago) and I've no TV in my bedroom now and no strong desire to get one. I do watch tv in bed sometimes but on my iPad and my LO plays on it or watches cartoons when I'm getting ready in the morning (probably not ideal but c'est la vie).

    Some of your learnings are similar to my conclusions although I'm still getting over our break up, I can definitely see where we could have improved things and for sure things I don't want to repeat in any future relationship....communication being a biggie as I'm still struggling to get my Ex to talk about stuff concerning our wee one!

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    1. Sorry to hear your struggling to get ex to talk about stuff re: your little one. Can't be easy. My ex is at least taking an active part in the kids upbringing.
      I'm not divorced as yet, it's been a long drawn out process so far and I'm getting slightly fed up with it all.

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  3. Yep we have a t.v in our bedroom and I can honestly say I have never once switched it on in the 2 yrs we've had it, husband watches it while getting ready in the morning but I'm already downstairs doing pack lunches and breakfast by then.

    I agree with EVERYTHING you say, both kids are obsessed with electronic gadgets for games so I recently banned them other than special rewards, none of us communicate in long term relationships like you do in the first throws of one and I truely believe time makes that happen. It's a sad truth. I wish I had the backbone to change things but at 9 & 7 I know (having seen the effects on close friends and their families), it would have a massive effect on the kids. Now there is more than just me to think of. Shoot me down!

    As for technology, it's 11pm Friday night, husband is playing a game, I'm here on my phone, both is silence, other than me asking him to turn the TV down because of the guns and being told to piss off to bed, then 5 mins later, the comment 'oh you are still here'. Tonight is not the best night. I wish I remembered how to have fun as both an individual and a couple (ask him and he thinks we still do) and I probably should not post this

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    1. Hope you're ok?
      Life sucks at times doesn't it.
      Not nice being told to piss off though... reminds me of the way I was treated by ex.
      Big hugs x

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  4. I agree - no TV in the bedroom. Apart from anything else..they don't even look nice :0)

    I agree with what you say about going to bed at the same time. I think this is quite important - not really for sexual reasons, just from a 'togetherness' point of view.

    Balancing time for oneself and time together in a relationship esp when you have small children is I think, a real juggling act. My only time to myself is 8-11pm each night when the kids are in bed. My rule is that we sit down and eat together at the table with a glass of wine (ie, no tv dinner) and that's when we chat and do the majority of our talking. Invariably fro 9-10ish, we're then both on our laptops/ watching TV in silence - but everyone needs time to unwind and I feel by then we've at least given some time to each other over dinner...

    Really thought provoking post. We all need to think about these things more often than we do. x

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    1. Yep, togetherness....that's the perfect word for it.
      I also like the point about sitting down together at the table to eat. Something I didn't do before and I'm doing more now.

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  5. I've never had a tv in my room, apart from at uni when my room was effectively my flat, we have one now and I hate it. For exactly the reason you said we sit and watch it instead of talking before sleep

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  6. Yep, no TV in the bedroom!

    For a few months in our first year of marriage my husband was a real night owl, worked locally so hours weren't as long and I had a job where I was commuting for over an hour each way, so we did go to bed at different times as he simply was not tired at 10pm when I was getting into my PJs. I don't think it harmed our relationship as it was only a few months, but appreciate that for others that might be a bit different if you get into that habit and never get out of it. Now that I am not working and my husband has a more demanding job, we go to bed at the same time. On the rare occasion we might have classic FM on if he can't get to sleep, or he might watch something on the iPad if I've fallen asleep already.

    The one thing I would disagree with you (only in terms of that it wouldn't work for us!) on is going to bed on an argument. If we'd had a disagreement or one of us has done something to upset the other, we would talk the issues out as much as possible before we go to bed, as it would hinder us both getting to sleep if we were tense with each other. And we love our quick cuddles before falling asleep, so we'd both be upset if we were so mad with each other that we didn't want to do that - for that night we would lose that emotional (as well as physical) closeness. Fortunately we hardly argue, and if we do, it's about directions when driving! But I can see your point on not being able to focus and make your point if you are feeling sleepy.

    Thanks for writing a blog post on this issue - I think it's something that lots of couples could quite easily not consider!

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    1. See your point on the arguing comment. I think ideally I'm with you and that I'd rather resolve matters before going to sleep, but when it's midnight and you're exhausted I found it tough. I think I was so shattered dealing with the children that I'd have slept regardless of the argument!

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  7. Swearing at a partner ,& throwing things are completely different from issues of non communication.....this is simply bullying! I hope he has control over his temper with your lovely children

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    1. When I look back at his behaviour, I'd definitely say I was bullied. I'm not sure if he'd see it that way though. I have no idea how he is with the kids, but when he's in front of me with them he's a really good dad.

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  8. We don't have a tv in our room, and even when we did it was never on. But I wont rule putting one back in when the wee one is a little older, for the occasional lazy Sunday morning!

    But on the whole I agree with a lot of what you say here. We always go to bed at the same time (even if one of us reads later than than the other), but we are guilty of playing with technology or simply vegging in front of the telly most nights. Now the baby is older, I'm thinking we should try to have a date once a month, just to focus on us.

    I'm sorry you had to be treated the way that you were in order to be able to share what you have learned.

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    1. I know of quite a few couples that schedule date nights and I think it's a great idea. For a while my sister was doing alphabet dating with a group of her friends and their other halves. Seemed like good fun.

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  9. wow. i am really impressive by your work. its look really outstanding. feeling great to sees such kind of activities.
    Internet based Beds Company

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  10. My hubby has always been strong on the no tv in the bedroom. So we have never had one. Great tips though listed here hunny. Communication I think is everything for sure. Thanks for linking up to Share WIth Me #sharewithme

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